eight : disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak

Song: Heartbreak Warfare, John Mayer


*Julie’s POV*

I woke up that morning and I had actually gotten a decent night’s sleep next to Ryan, which is exactly what I needed. My heart had finally stopped breaking. I just wanted this all out into the open. I wanted to know his reasons, her reasons, about why they would do this.

I got up and changed back into my clothes from yesterday. Just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I threw on one of Ryan’s jackets on because it was raining. He drove me to the apartment and upon arriving, I felt a sick feeling in my stomach.

“You sure you want to do this?” he asked.

“I’m sure” I said drawing in a sharp breath, “It has to be done…”

I walked up the stairs and unlocked the door. I heard a couple muffled voices that I ignored and let myself in, with Ryan close behind.

“Hey baby” he smiled innocently, “How was shopping with Chantal?”

“I didn’t go” I simply replied.

“Oh…well that’s too bad” he frowned, “I ran into Anna on my way back from the gym and we thought maybe you guys would all like to go out for dinner”

“Not happening” I said.

“You ok?” he asked, “you don’t look so good”

“I can’t believe you’re playing innocent” I muttered.

“About what?” Anna replied.

“I saw you both…”

“What’s he doing here?” Carey asked looking in Ryan’s direction. He looked nervous. As he should be.

“It involves me too” Ryan replied, “Are you two seriously going to pretend you did nothing?”

“You know what? Carey offered me comfort and attention. You always turned me away”

“What I saw was not comfort” I snapped.

“It wasn’t forced either” Carey muttered.

“You could have at least told me if I did something wrong. Instead you act like a fucking coward and do this behind my back”

“I was NOT being a coward” he snapped back, “If anything, I was helping a friend. You are so fucking obsessed with popping out a kid, and you stopped caring about me completely”

“I was lonely Ryan…Carey gave me something you couldn’t…” Anna replied softly.

“First of all, you sick son of a bitch, you were not helping out a friend. You were doing that to break my heart” just as I said that I could smell smoke in my apartment, “You…you’re smoking in MY apartment? The one I let you move into? So much for quitting…” I was furious at this point.

“He should be able to do what he enjoys” Anna replied, with some attitude I should add.

“Which is you?” Ryan shot back with some sarcasm.

“Like you even bothered, Ryan” she replied.

“If you don’t appreciate what you have, then it goes away, simple as that Miller. Go cry to your Vezina”

“Don’t you dare go there. You don’t pretend like he’s the one that did something wrong here, don’t even try getting out of this scot-free. You went after MY best friend. Remember Anna? We used to be best friends”

“Fine, ok? What we did was wrong. But our reasons weren’t” she replied.

“Oh Anna, question. You remember your little girl, Remy? Through all of this did you even think of her? What this could do to her? All I have heard since this started was “Where’s mommy?” “Why isn’t mommy taking me to school?” “Is mommy ok?” and the list goes on”

“Selfish bitch…” I said under my breath”

“You are the selfish bitch Julie” Carey snapped.

“She’s a selfish bitch?” Ryan replied jumping to my defence, “All she did was care about you Carey. Maybe a little too much, she knows that, but you know it was enough for her to try and commit suicide because she though if you didn’t want her…who would? You know where I found her? In the bathtub, under the water, barely alive. I don’t know about you, but you two are the ones being selfish. If you didn’t want her Carey you could have at least been a man and told her”

“By the sounds of this Ryan, I’m not the only one with a wandering eye” Anna said with a sly smirk.

“Excuse me?” I said, barely holding back the tears, “Don’t put this on him. At least he cared about me enough. Unlike the immature five year old who can’t keep his hormones in check” I just looked him up and down in disgust.

“Anna does things that you’ve never even considered doing Julie. She has given me everything you can’t in less than two days”

“Oh and Ryan, he doesn’t have to shave his back either”

“Again, it’s always about you guys isn’t it?” I huffed, “You never considered how much you hurt me, or Ryan, or even your little girl. I almost died and you didn’t say a fucking word about it” I had stopped crying at this point, I was done wasting my tears on him.

“I never really realized how overdramatic you are…” Carey replied. I heard Anna snicker and I shot her a glare.

“You call suicide overdramatic?” Ryan replied. He looked like he was ready to jump Carey.

Anna stepped in between us and put her hands up, “Ok look, what Carey and I did was wrong, I accept that. Julie may have tried to hurt herself and failed, but the whole point is we’re all unhappy with our relationships”

“That’s all you have to say?” I asked crossing my arms.

“Better than the shit you said” she mumbled.

I ignored her comment and turned to Carey, “You never cared about me, did you?”

“I loved you when you were you. I don’t love you anymore Julie…”

The words I expected to hurt, didn’t. It’s like they flew right by me, because I just didn’t love him anymore. That was his own fault.

“You know what, if you had told me this before you would have saved us a whole lot of misery. Because I really don’t love you anymore” I half smiled as I said it, “Oh and Anna, we’re not friends anymore. Just looking at you makes me sick”

“Good, cause I couldn’t be friends with someone that would push him away” she replied.

“Fine, I really don’t feel like arguing with you anymore anyways”

“Good so I’ll be out by morning” Carey said.

“So will I, oh and Ryan, you‘ll be explaining this to Remy, you brought this upon yourself” Anna replied.

“Oh Carey, I want you out tonight” I replied with a smirk.

“Don’t worry about Remy” Ryan replied, “She doesn’t need your example in her life”

Anna marched up to him and slapped him across the face. I immediately pushed her away and stepped in between them.

“Like she needs yours either” she said.

“I’m pretty sure all he did was care about the girl” I replied, “You did yourself no favours Anna”

“Fuck you both” she said.

I just half laughed, “Um, I’d rather not, but thanks for the offer” I heard Ryan snicker and she just shot me a glare, “Get out of my apartment, I really hope you’re both so happy together” I said sarcastically.

“I’ll be back for my stuff” Carey said.

“Let me know cause I’d rather not be here when you do” I replied.

I watched them both leave and I just sighed. That all ended up being easier than I thought it would be. I really felt nothing seeing him go. I thought I would at least cry or something, but nothing. I was proud of myself.

“Well done” he laughed.

“Thanks” I smiled, “Not so bad yourself”

He put his hand on his cheek and just winced, “She left quite a mark there” I said putting my hand on his cheek, “Ice?”

“That would be nice” he replied.

I went to the freezer and he followed me. All I could find was a bag of frozen vegetables. I shrugged and pulled it from the freezer. He was a bit taller so I reached up and put it on his cheek.

*Ryan’s POV*

Her touch was warm, even if it was a bag of frozen vegetables. I felt something I don’t even remember feeling for Anna. She was truly a sweetheart, and a beautiful soul. I also can’t deny that she was beautiful too. I moved my hand up and pulled the bag from my cheek and took her hand.

“Thank you” I said.

“For what? I should be thanking you. You saved me…” she replied.

“You helped me realize that I was making a mistake marrying her”

“Well it’s not what I meant to do” she lightly laughed, “But ok”

“You know these last couple days I have realized something”

“What’s that?” she asked leaning against the counter.

“That you mean a lot more to me than I thought you would”

She was silent for a minute. Before she could make a break for it I stood in front of her, putting both my hands on the counter to keep her from going anywhere. She just lightly smiled, but before I could make the move, she took my face in her hands and kissed me. I have to say, I’ve never been kissed like that before.

“I honestly have wanted to do that for a while…” she said.

“Really?”

She just nodded, “I kinda like you Miller”

I just smirked, “I kinda like you too Jules”

I just kissed her forehead and pulled her into a hug. I felt 100% better now that this was all out in the open. Anna was poison. It might sound harsh, but I just don’t think she would have done either me or Remy any good. Now Julie, she was a different story.