eleven: maybe I'll need you, maybe I won't.

song: pieces by alison iraheta

*Julie's POV*

It was hard to leave Ryan, still stick, back in Buffalo, but I had to get this done and over with. Carey wanted to talk, I said yes, and I was going to have to deal with it. The anger and hurt still burned me, but cold nostalgia was chilling me to the bone. The entire drive I alternated between the awful site of catching him with Anna and the bittersweet memories of us together.

Finally arriving at my apartment building, I winced upon seeing Anna's car parked outside. So she was here, too. Great.

I walked into my apartment and saw him standing there, wearing that Canadiens hoody I used to wear around the house when he was away. It was like he knew. The look in his eyes caught me surprise; he looked almost, well, sorry. It was time to put up my guard. No tears in front of him.

"Hey..." he said slowly.

I crossed my arms, "Hi."

"I'll make this quick, I promise," Carey said, "Julie, I'm sorry."

I said nothing.

"For everything. I wasn't thinking. I didn't realize what I was doing. I guess I that I just got caught up in the moment."

Seriously? THIS was what he wanted to say to me?

"You think that excuses you? It was like I didn't even exist Carey, you almost broke me completely." I told him sternly.

He sighed, "I know, and I wish I could take it back. Listen, Julie, when I came here to pack things up, I realized that I'm not over you...I can't go on without you..." He swallowed. "My save % has dropped completely."

I rolled my eyes, "Ha, you're here because of you're game. It's always about how you play." I was tired of being his muse.

Before I could reply, my bedroom door opened and out walked the last person I wanted to see.

"You almost done, Car- oh. Hi Julie."

I gave Carey the nastiest glare I could muster. He gave Anna a nod, "She's helping me pack."

I turned to her, "Get out. I don't want you in my apartment." I snarled. "I had to burn my sheets because of her!"

Anna gave me a fake smile, "Because I made him do what you never could, that's why. But fine. I'll be in the hall, Pricey."

Now a ridiculous nickname? I sighed, "Pricey? Seriously..."

"It's a fun name to scream." Anna called on her way out. God she was disgusting.

Carey started to explain that Anna was there to help him, but I cut him off, "I think it's time for you to leave."

His eyes begged me, "Jules, please..."

I put my hands on my hips, "Carey. I can't just forget what you did. I can't pretend nothing happened. I can't just take you back and pretend everything is ok, when it's not." I snuck at glance at Anna. "When it CLEARLY is not."

Carey walked towards me so that we were barely inches apart, "Before I leave..."

He took my face and kissed me. My eyes shut instantly and I felt myself being hypnotized like I used to be, back when we were still in love. But after a few seconds, my head immediately thought of Ryan. I thought of how hurt he was after what Anna had done to him, and the sweetness he gave to me. But most of all I thought of the tenderness of his kiss and how gentle he was with me, as though he wanted me to know I was something special.

I broke away and shook my head, "Fuck."

Carey looked at me, "You still feel it..."

I looked at him, then Anna, then back at him again, "Maybe. But not after what you've done to me."

"Carey, we're going to be late!" Anna perked up.

"You better go," I pointed to the door, "Wouldn't want to keep your precious girlfriend waiting."

"She's not my girlfriend..." Carey muttered.

"Oh fuck buddy? Is that what they call it?" I smirked.

"Come to think of it, Julie, maybe you should hook up with Ryan, considering you're both so horrible in life and in bed, you'd be perfect for each other," Anna said with a laugh, "God, what WAS I thinking? Let's go, Carey."

I didn't watch them as they walked away. All I had to do was shut the door and turn. I stood there for a moment, evaluating what had just happened, thinking about the things Carey had said. It was all about him, it always was. Of course, when he kissed me, I felt that electric spark come back- the same spark I had to force myself to block out. I felt sad, thinking of how things used to be. I felt weak and hopeless. I had to call someone.

Ryan picked up immediately, as though he'd been waiting, "Hey!"

I sunk down the the floor, "Hi..."

Ryan sensed I was upset, "Jules, is everything ok?"

I had just told Ryan that I was going to speak with Carey one last time. He didn't know what about, and he certainly didn't know (nor did I) that Anna would be with him. I felt myself falling to pieces.

"He kissed me."

Things grew quiet on the other line for a moment.

"Oh...and...?"

My cheeks burned, "Ryan...the feelings...they won't go away..."

"Well I wouldn't expect them to. You've been with the guy for how long?" his voice was calm and understanding, "I just wish I could do something about Anna...she's ruining everything for you two."

I still couldn't believe how much he cared about me and not about Anna.

"Anna I can handle," I said simply, "It's just...you don't get it. I want them to go away. I can't love someone like that."

"Carey's the one you're having problems with."

"Yes. Everything came back when he kissed me. He told me he's not over me, what do I do with that? I don't want him." I glanced at my now empty bedroom. "Not anymore."

Ryan said something that took me by surprise, "Well he hurt you. Like, ripped you open hurt you. I swear I could kill him for what he did...not because it was with Anna but because of how he broke your heart."

I sat there in awe, "Wow...thanks..."

Perhaps I was imagining things, but Ryan started to sound a bit nervous, "I care about you, Julie. I really do. If you ever need anything, I'm right here."

I smiled, "Thank you Ryan. That means alot."

"I guess I owe you for the past few days...I don't know how to say thank you for taking care of me when I was sick. I was a real mess."

I shrugged, "Don't worry about it. I used to do it for Carey all the time." My voice cracked and Ryan sensed it.

"It's ok to hurt. It's normal."

I swallowed my tears for the hundredth time, "Yeah, I know..."

"And crying doesn't make you weak."

"I know, I just hate crying cause it ruins my make-up." I said with a half-laugh.

Ryan's voice shook a bit, "Well  if you ask me, you don't need make up. You're already gorgeous."

We were both quiet for a moment. I could feel myself blushing. Or was I just trying not to cry again?

"Gorgeous is a heavy word. But thank you."

"Well, you are. Always have been." The nervousness in his voice was undeniable.

I hugged my knees with my free arm, "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were...."

"Oh, hold on a sec!" Ryan said suddenly, putting down the phone. Distantly, I heard him beginning to talk to his daughter.

"Yes, I know sweetie...but we have her cell phone number, and she'll call every night just before bedtime. I know, honey...I know."

He picked up the phone again, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Nevermind...it's not important, you should go, Remy needs you."

"Oh, ok," Ryan replied, "All or text if you need anything. I'm here for you, Julie."

"Thanks Ryan." I said with a genuine smile. He really was sweet.

"By the way, I can see why Carey would want to kiss you. You're an amazing kisser. Bye."

Before I could say anything he'd hung up. I sat there, leaning against the door, listening to the dial tone. Finally I clicked it off and sighed. That was not what I was expecting. Ryan Miller was not what I was expecting him to be at all.

At this point I was so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep. Throwing a blanket on the couch, I collapsed, with my phone in hand. I had to have it in case he called.

And I wasn't talking about Carey.