fourteen: i know in my heart it's not you

Song: I Caught Myself, Paramore


*Julie’s POV*

I don’t know what had come over me. I just needed to feel something again. I haven’t felt anything since I was with Carey. I just know that with Ryan, every kiss, touch just might make me feel something I never thought I could ever feel. Something I have never felt before.

“Julie, are --” I placed my finger over his lips to stop him.

“No talking” I whispered, “I need you…now”

I knew he was caught off guard, that was the whole point, but he caved, and kissed me. And this time, I fell under his spell and let him take control. He touched me in ways Carey never even dreamed of, it absolutely made me melt.

We didn’t just have sex, we made love. I can say that Carey and I, never, ever did that. I did miss it with him, but after a night like that with Ryan, I didn’t miss it anymore, not as much as I did anyways.

I fell back beside him and smiled to myself and then I turned to look at him, he had a look of shock on his face.

“You ok?” I whispered.

“Perfect” he simply said.

I looked at the clock, it was almost 3am, “Can we do it again?” I asked, still trying to catch my breath.

He didn’t hesitate, he just climbed on top of me and kissed me. The rest of the night was absolute bliss, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

--

I woke up that morning, next to Ryan, and I was never happier. I practically bounced out of bed and grabbed one of Ryan’s dress shirts and threw it on. I hopped into the kitchen and made some breakfast. I was one of the happiest girls in the world right now. Even the gash on my neck, thanks to Anna, that was really sore today, couldn’t bring me down.

I was just setting food on a plate when I felt two arms around me. I immediately stopped what I was doing when I felt his breath on my neck.

“Hey” I said.

“Smells good” he said kissing my neck and pulling back.

“Nothing special” I said handing him a plate.

I finally made eye contact with him since being with him last night. I felt those butterflies, it seems cheesy, but it’s true. I just smiled and bit my lip.

“I have a proposition for you” he said putting some food in his mouth.

“What’s that?”

“I want you to meet the guys” he said.

I didn’t respond right away. Meeting his team was almost as big as meeting his parents. I mean, he’s with these guys 24/7. They aren’t just his “buddies” they are practically his second family.

“Already?” I simply asked.

“It’s just the team Jules” he half smiled.

“It’s not just “the team” Ryan” I replied using finger quotes, “I mean, they’re approval means a lot”

He just sighed and rubbed my arms gently, “I promise, it’s no reason to worry, they’ll love you. You’re nothing like Anna”

I just half smiled and sighed, “Ok then. When?”

“Tonight” he said.

“Tonight!?”

“Jules, relax” he laughed.

“This is no laughing matter Ryan” I said, “I mean…”

“What?”

“We never talked about…last night”

He just cleared his throat and his face fell, “What about? Was it bad?”

“Not at all!” I reassured him, “I just wasn’t sure what you thought”

“I was shocked” he said, “Because you have no idea how long I’ve wanted that…”

I was a bit surprised at his words, “Really?”

He just nodded.

“Oh…”

“What’s this mean?”

“I don’t know Ryan…what do you want it to mean?” I was still unsure about the whole thing. I know we just slept together, but Carey, I can’t say I am completely over the guy…

“If you want to take this slow Julie, I have no problem doing that. I know getting over him is not exactly an overnight thing”

“Thank you” I sighed, “But I am excited to meet the guys” I just smiled and he smiled back. I was really excited but nervous at the same time. I know it’s not like a huge deal, but I was the same way when I met the Canadiens, but then again…I also worked for them.

“So, are we just going out?”

“Yes” he said, “just out for drinks, and whatever else”

“Okay, I’m good with that” I replied. I think he could tell I was still nervous. He just kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me.

“It will be fine Jules, I promise. These are some of the most laid back guys you will meet”

I just sighed, “Okay”

--

Ryan didn’t have a game tonight, which was fine, but I was still freaking out over this whole meeting the guys thing. I just hope everything goes okay.

I changed into a pair of fitted jeans, a floral blouse and a light leather jacket. I just slipped on black flats and left my hair in waves. I kept my makeup light, just some foundation, blush and mascara.

“You’ll be fine” he said brushing some hair out of my face, my very nervous face.

“I know, but I’m really paranoid”

“I didn’t notice” he replied sarcastically.

I just playfully slapped him on the arm and scoffed, “is that sarcasm I hear?” I laughed.

“Maybe a little” he smirked, “we should go though”

We just walked to the small club that was just a few blocks away. Ryan kept his hands in his pockets the whole way. He looked more nervous than I did, but he knew how to hide it well.

The moment we stepped in the music bounced off the walls and the place was fairly crowded. He led me to the bar where we saw a group of guys, which I guessed was the team. I just watched as Ryan greeted them.

“So guys, this is Julie”

“Hello Julie” one said with a smirk and wink. I think it was Derek Roy. He put out his hand and I just gently shook it.

“Julie, you met Derek” Ryan said, “This is Tyler, Drew and Pat”

They all just nodded in my direction as Ryan introduced them. This was going well so far. They did seem like really cool guys.

“Ryan talks a lot about you” Tyler said.

I just felt my face get red as I looked down. I had to look all the way up to respond to him, damn he was tall.

“Oh…really? Good things I hope” I replied as he sat down.

“Of course” he smiled, “Just between you and me, I noticed he’s been in a much better mood and had a better attitude since you came along”

I just smiled, “Well I suppose that’s a good thing”

“You’re good for him” he said putting a hand on my shoulder, “and I can tell you, he’s a great guy”

“Oh…I know” I smiled looking in his direction.

He just smirked, “Well Julie, I’m going to get myself a drink, you want anything?”

“I’m fine” I said, “Thanks though”

He stood up, leaving me sitting alone in a booth as I watched Ryan talk with some of the team. He didn’t realize I was watching him, but I liked watching him, if that doesn’t sound creepy.

I suddenly turned my head when I caught a familiar face in the corner of my eye. It couldn’t be…Carey?

“Shit…”

I quickly stood up and grabbed Ryan’s arm, “He’s here”

“Who?”

“Carey”

“Did he say anything?”

“No” I replied, “He may have seen me though…”

I turned my head and made immediate eye contact with him and my heart skipped a beat. I turned my attention back to Ryan, “Anna’s here too…with him…”

“Kiss me” he said.

“What?”

“He needs to know what he gave up” he said.

I just smirked and did as he said, kissing him with everything in me. The moment our lips touched, I forgot Carey was even there, until I felt an arm grab me and pull me away from Ryan. He swiftly turned me around and stared at me.

“What?” I snapped.

“Ryan, are you kidding me!?” I heard Anna say as she dragged him away, “You’re being immature”

“Carey, don’t start with me”

“Why did you leave?”

“Because I can’t be near you anymore” I replied, “It was hard enough living in that apartment without you”

“I’m sorry”

“I’ve heard that enough” I huffed, “Stop apologizing, because I don’t believe for one second”

“Why?”

“You’re here with her now!” I replied, “How can I believe you when you’re still with her? You obviously don’t care about me anymore”

“She dragged me down here to talk, that’s it Julie. I don’t want her…I want you”

I crossed my arms over my chest and I felt my eyes start to water. I just turned my head away, avoiding his gaze. He just placed his hand under my chin and turned my head back towards him, “if this is making you upset, why can’t we just try this again?”

“Because…I can never trust you again. Love is just not enough anymore Carey…”

“So you do…”

“Don’t do that. You know I still do, Ryan knows I still do, I know I still do, but I will not cave in. I won’t let you hurt me again”

“I won’t hurt you again. I can’t hurt you again”

“How do you know she just won’t grab you one night, do what she did all over again, in my apartment, and then break my heart again?”

“I don’t love her”

“Carey….please…” I begged.

“I’m sorry…”

I just sighed and tried to walk away when he grabbed my arm, pulled me back and kissed me.

*Ryan’s POV*

“Since when?” she asked.

“It’s none of your fucking business” I snapped.

“It is my business who ends up around my daughter”

“Don’t do that! Don’t suddenly make this about her when you know it’s all about you. It always has been and always will be”

“I know you don’t want her”

“I do” I said.

She just looked at me with those eyes that I fell in love with years ago. She moved in closer and traced her finger down my chest, kissing my neck. I pushed her off of me and walked away from her.

I went back to where Julie was and saw her lip locked to Carey. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or do at this point. After last night, I refuse to believe she still wanted him.

I saw her pull back and see me. She pushed away from Carey and came over to me.

“Ryan…”

“What was that?”

“He kissed me…”

“Was it really that hard to push him away?”

“I’m sorry…”

I just sighed, “It’s ok, it just caught me off guard”

Carey came behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. She just turned to look at him.

“Please Julie…”

“Carey, stop doing this to me. I said no, and I meant it, there is no more us, you’ll find someone that can make you really happy, it’s not me…”

She just grabbed my hand, and pulle me towards the door, when we ran into Anna. I just stopped in my tracks as she pulled our hands apart.

“How‘s the neck?” she asked.

“How’s the ribs?” Julie replied, “Oh and the eye, oh and the other eye?”

She ignored her comment, “I want him back”

“So I don’t have a say in this?” I said.

She just hesitated when Julie put in her two cents, “He doesn’t want you anymore Anna, get over it, but you can gladly have Carey, because he’s probably going to be lonely tonight” she said the last part with a bit of attitude that even surprised me.

“This doesn’t involve you Julie”

“Just quit while you’re ahead Anna, find someone else, there’s plenty of other Sabres around here you know”

She just huffed, “Fine”

She just walked past her with me pretty close behind. The moment we stepped outside, I just grabbed her, pushed her against the wall and kissed her. She just smiled against my lips as I pulled back.

“You liked that?” she smirked.

“You’re pretty hot when you’re mad” I laughed.

“Well thanks” she smiled.

“Home?”

“Please”